Areas of Expertise
Desire
There is so much distress about desire levels and most of the time it comes down to one fundamental question: are my levels of desire normal? During the majority of my time studying the philosophy of sex, my primary focus was on desire. I wanted to learn everything I could and understand all aspects of desire. I was curious about what it was, how it emerged, how it was influenced, how it changed over time, how it was shaped by culture, relationship dynamics and intersecting identities, how it was distinguished from attraction and arousal and much more. The thing I found most interesting was the number of people, primarily those socialized as women, who found it difficult to access their own desire. “Tell me what you want” seems like an innocuous question, but if you don’t believe you’re inherently allowed to want, accessing desire can feel scary because it’s unknown. Many women want to want, but don’t know how to identify their own desires separately from their partner’s wants. There are many reasons for this and you’re absolutely not alone in feeling like you don’t know where to start.
Sex & Infertility
Anyone who says “trying for a baby is the fun part” has probably not experienced infertility. Timed intercourse, performance on demand, medicalizing sex, hormones, depression, grief, body imagecoupled with the fact that NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THE SEXUAL COMPONENT, what could possibly go wrong? (said sarcastically because I get it. ) I’ve been there. You can read about it here. Going through infertility is such an emotional process and can wreak havoc on things like body image, desire and sexual communication. There is still such a social stigma over talking about infertility and when you add on the general sex-negative culture we live in, it makes it even more intense and isolating. Whether you’re just starting the TTC journey and want to be proactive in protecting and preserving your sexual life, or have been struggling with infertility for a decade, or anywhere in between -I’m here to help.
Pleasure
My work is centered around pleasure, and for good reason. I believe pleasure is a critical form of self-care. Not necessarily, sexual pleasure, but pleasure in all its many facets. Like desire, accessing pleasure can be foreign to some people. Especially if you’re in a body that’s absorbed the idea that pleasure isn’t for YOU. This is particularly relevant if you’re in a marginalized body. Black bodies, trans bodies, fat bodies and disabled bodies are particularly susceptible to internalizing the harmful narratives that pleasure is something that’s not deserved. This could not be further from the truth and is the reason why I call myself The Pleasure Anarchist. Pleasure Anarchy is a term I use to resist the idea that pleasure is only for those people who meet certain societal standards. Seeking pleasure is therefore a form of resistance.